But people pleasing is a superpower when done right.
The night I drank when I didn’t want to...🍷
I was on a work trip, surrounded by important people.
Every night, they’d raise their glasses and say “cheers”—and every night, I’d politely opt out because now I rarely drink, and had early mornings I needed to be sharp for.
But one night, I could feel they just wanted me to be part of the moment, the energy and the camaraderie.
So I poured a tiny glass. Took tiny sips.
Held it all night. And watched them smile.
Was I people-pleasing? Yeah—consciously.
While the self-help police would’ve cancelled me for “not holding my boundaries” or “abandoning my truth”...
Here’s what I know:
I didn’t betray myself. I chose to bend a little to honour the bigger picture.
The Gift of People-Pleasing🙏🏻
People love throwing that term around like it’s always a bad thing.
But the truth is: People-pleasing gave me a gift.
- It taught me how to care.
- To read the energy in the room.
- To make someone feel safe, held, and seen—even if it meant making myself a little uncomfortable sometimes.
Not because I needed validation but for connection.
Because when someone feels better in my presence, I feel better too.
There Are Versions of Me You’ll Never Meet👩🏻
But let’s be real—I’m not the same with everyone.
- Some people get the soft, compassionate, bubbly energy.
- Some get the direct, no-nonsense energy.
- And some, respectfully, get the tastefully b*tchy version who will absolutely tell you off—but I promise to do it with compassion.
That’s not fake or "inauthentic." That’s called range.
Adaptability is not weakness.
It’s a skill to be rooted in who you are, while responding to the energy in front of you.
You respond differently to someone who respects you, versus someone who walks all over you.
When "Authenticity" Becomes A Problem💣
Some people are so hard in their “authenticity” that they forget how to connect. They weaponize “being real” as a reason to be rigid, rude, or superior.
But here’s the deal:
- Kindness and boundaries can co-exist.
- Compromise and choice can co-exist.
- Flexibility and self-respect can co-exist.
Sometimes I bend—not because I’m spineless, but because I know it’s worth it.
Not Everyone Deserves Every Version of You🌪️
Let’s be honest, there are people worth kissing a little ass for.
Not in a “pick me” way but in a “you’re worth the effort” way.
It’s not tit for tat. It’s mutual energy, nourishment and respect.
There’s always gonna be a little give in relationships.
The trick is knowing when it’s a conscious choice, and when it’s a quiet betrayal.
Sometimes I’ll choose to be a little uncomfortable so someone else can feel more at ease.
Not out of guilt or fear, but out of love.
When does "People Pleasing" become a problem?⚡
People-pleasing becomes toxic when:
- You do it to avoid conflict.
- You need validation or approval to feel okay.It costs you your peace, your values, or your energy.
- You’re doing it for people who wouldn’t lift a finger for you.
There’s a big difference between:
→ Pleasing out of fear (so they like me, don’t leave me, or don’t get mad)
vs.
→ Pleasing out of love (because you want to make someone feel safe, held, or seen).
I’ve been on both sides. And knowing that difference? Changes everything.
How do you know the difference?
So how do you know when it’s a loving act of service vs a fear-based survival pattern?
That’s the work.
✨ Knowing who you are beneath the masks and expectations.
✨ Choosing which version of you to bring forward without guilt.
✨ Acknowledging your "giving" capacity without self-sacrifice
✨ Being kind without overextending.
✨ Being yourself and choosing you without guilt.
✨ Letting people feel good in your presence—without losing yourself in the process.
This is what we unpack inside my 12-week Group Coaching Program—The Zen Manual:
🔎 In Module 5: “Mirrors of Love”
We explore the patterns, projections, and power dynamics in your relationships.
So you can:
→ Set boundaries without shame
→ Choose who gets access to your energy
→ Nourish your connections without self-abandonment
🧠 In Module 4 “No Identity Crisis”
We strip back the layers so you can meet all the different versions of you—quiet, spicy, soft, badass.
So you can:
→ Stop seeking approval and choose how you show up
→ Trust who you are, even when you change
→ Stand strong in your worth, no matter who you’re with
→ Be a little bit of everything—depending on the moment, the person, the purpose.
Because people-pleasing, when done with awareness and self-respect, can be a form of sacred service.
🌟And THIS is how I Coach:
Not to cancel the people-pleaser in you but to elevate her.
To make sure she’s loving—not leaking.
Connected—not controlled.
I adapt. I meet you where you are.
I level with you.
I see the part of you that’s tired of pretending and wants to belong without betraying yourself.✨
That’s not weakness.
That’s my superpower.
And I’ll teach you how to own yours too.
If you’re ready to stop overgiving, overreacting, or overcorrecting… and start choosing with clarity, power, and peace— I offer a FREE Consult Call so you can find out how this could work for you before committing.
I am only enrolling FIVE women by the end of August, and we start September!
Ready to meet that “you can't
fck with me, but imma love you right” version of you by December?
CLICK THE LINK to BOOK A CALL.💫