I used to bitch about them when I was upset, instead of just talking about it directly.
I’d judge them for being different.
Or feel secretly envious, without realising I was just longing to tap into that same potential in myself.
I was clingy and possessive.
If they got close to someone else or hung out without me, I’d feel insecure.
I operated in extreme modes: either completely isolating myself and going ghost, or over-committing to plans until my social battery completely tanked.
I would make things all about me.
I had to have the last word, drop a comment, or share my opinion because I was desperate for validation and attention.
I was the "happy-go-lucky, agreeable" friend.
I said yes to everything and morphed myself to be super available, spreading myself too thin.
But it wasn't loyalty—it was people-pleasing driven by deep abandonment issues.
And because I constantly enabled people, I always ended up feeling unappreciated, considered last, or used, and felt answerable for choosing me.
I even lied. I hid my truth.
Agreed with gossip I shouldn't have and said things just to win arguments or fit into rooms I didn't even belong in.
I thought I was being a “good friend”
But really, I was just terrified of losing people or how I was perceived so I acted in f*cked up ways to keep them or protect myself.
I still fck up as a friend today.
I’m still not a great friend to some, but here's the real difference 👉
I stopped prioritizing other people's comfort over my own.
Now I check my own sh*t first.
I check my intentions, expectations, stories, and own approach.
I still care and consider others, but if how I treat them comes from fear, pressure or obligation, that's a RED FLAG.
Now…
- I show up at my capacity, not at my expense.
- I validate myself but also keep my POV in check, while staying open to others (I'm not always right.)
- I balance the give and take - to listen more and only pour my energy in when someone shows real interest.
- I accept people instead of judging them for being different. (We're all both weird and epic anyway 😅)
- I check my words — asking if it is true, necessary, and kind before speaking— and try to tell the uncomfortable truth (oof.. still working on this!)
- I let things flow because I know that friendships move in waves and chapters, and a quiet phase doesn't make me any less valuable.
When your high-functioning anxiety goes unchecked, you don't realise you are either enabling toxic patterns—or you are the one being toxic.
Your circle dictates your peace, safety, and confidence, which directly impacts how you love, move, and work.
You cannot sustain a high-performing life if the people around you keep you in survival mode.
So if you constantly feel drained, triggered, or taken advantage of, it is time to look in the mirror.
Because something within you unconsciously attracted and allowed those dynamics to stay.
Now…
If I don't feel safe, supported, and secure…
I don't question my worth anymore.
I question my circle.
You think you are just being a ride-or-die friend, but you are actually just desperately trying to secure your place in their life at the expense of your own peace.
Whether you like it or not, your circle deeply impacts your nervous system, and a dysregulated one fcks up your focus.
You cannot sustain a high-level, ambitious life if your personal relationships are a constant source of stress, guilt, and energy leaks.
👉 This is why YOU gotta do the inner work (not them).
But when you start doing the inner work… like setting real boundaries, changing your ways and saying no to things you used to bend over backwards for... it fcks things up for the people who liked the old, compliant version of you.
They might say you’ve changed.
They might make you feel like there is something wrong with you.
But those who care about your peace too, will adjust.
If they don't, you get your answer.
This was how I got incredibly close to people I once judged, reconnected with friends on a much healthier frequency and let go of the ties I was maintaining for all the wrong reasons.
My friendships blossomed because I finally had the capacity to make them honest and real.
This is exactly what we unpack in THINK BETTER.
💥 In our four deep-dive sit-downs, we get to the root of your social anxiety.
👉 Maybe you feel lonely, misunderstood, unappreciated and judged around some people.
👉 Maybe you think you need to be someone else to belong.
👉 Maybe you're tolerating more than you need to —walking on egg shells and overthinking every move.
👉 Maybe you're unknowingly pushing away your loved one and struggle with trust issues.
👉 Maybe you're over-giving or not putting enough effort.
We find out what is making you fear people and act out in ways you regret… So you can build real connections that support who you truly are and where you want to go…
If you are ready to completely upgrade how you operate in your own world… and the people in it…