How to Actually Get Someone to Change…
Let’s be real for a second.
You’ve probably wanted someone to change before. Maybe you wished your partner would be more thoughtful. Or that your friend would stop flaking on plans. Or that your coworker would finally stop sending those passive-aggressive emails.
We all want people to do things differently sometimes—to see our perspective, to be more considerate, to stop doing the things that drive us up the wall.
So… how do you actually get someone to change?
The SECRET? You Can’t. Yeah, I know. SUCKS, right?
BUT you can influence change.
Hear me out.
You cannot force someone to be who you want them to be. You can’t make them see things your way, no matter how right you think you are. You can’t rewrite someone’s beliefs or behaviors just because it would make things easier for you.
And yet—we still try. We push, we argue, we guilt-trip, we complain. And when they don’t change? We get mad, frustrated, resentful.
But here’s the truth: People don’t change because you tell them to. They change because they feel like it’s their choice. Because they want to. Because they understand why it’s important to them.
And that’s where your power actually lies.
How You Actually Influence People
The only way to “CHANGE” someone is to change how you show up in the relationship.
WHY? Because when you change, it forces them to react to you differently.
Think about it:
🔹 You’re always available, always saying yes. People keep expecting it.
The moment you start setting boundaries? They’re forced to either respect them or deal with the distance.
🔹 You argue back every time someone criticizes you. They keep engaging inǰ the same fight.
But if you respond with indifference? They lose the power to trigger you.
🔹 You always fix someone’s problems. They keep coming to you.
The moment you stop enabling them? They’re forced to step up.
People get used to the version of you they’ve always known. If they treat you a certain way, it’s because (intentionally or not) you’ve allowed it.
So if you want something to shift? You have to start with YOU.
How You Enable the Very Things You Want to Change
Picture this: You have a child who depends on you for everything. Homework, chores, decisions—nothing happens without your input.
At first, the dependency felt sweet.
But now? You’re frustrated.
“Why can’t they be more independent?” you wonder.
But then you realize…
🔹 You always stepped in before they had a chance to struggle.
🔹 You never let them make mistakes or figure things out on their own.
🔹 You (without meaning to) trained them to depend on you.
And now, you’re mad that they don’t know how to stand on their own.
But here’s the thing: You don’t fix this by telling them to be independent.
You fix it by changing how you show up. You stop solving every problem. You let them struggle while still being there as guidance. You shift from “rescuer” to “supporter.”
And over time? They start to grow into the version of themselves you wanted all along.
Not because you FORCED them. But because you CHANGED first.
The Fine Line Between Influence and Manipulation
Here’s where people get it wrong:
They try to change someone for their own benefit—not for the other person’s.
Ask yourself:
Do you want them to change because it will genuinely improve their life?
Or do you just want things to be easier for you?
If your desire for change is only about your comfort, that’s not influence—that’s MANIPULATION.
Real influence comes when you show them why change benefits them, too.
Because if they can’t see the value in it, why would they bother?
A Real Example: The Family Member I Couldn’t Stand
I had a relative who drove me crazy. Toxic conversations. Constant arguments. Petty DRAMA.
I kept thinking, “If only they changed, we’d finally have peace.”
But then I had a realization:
I was just as much a part of the problem.
Because every time they picked a fight? I engaged. Every time they threw shade? I snapped back. Every time they created drama? I played the game.
And that’s when it hit me—I was keeping the CYCLE alive.
So I made a SHIFT. I stopped REACTING. I set BOUNDARIES. I chose not to ENGAGE.
At first? They HATED it. They tried harder to drag me back into old patterns.
But I stood my ground.
And over time? The relationship changed. Not because they changed. But because I did.
So, How Do You Actually Get Someone to Change?
1️⃣ Change how you respond to them. Stop playing into old dynamics. Shift the energy YOU bring into the relationship.
2️⃣ Stop enabling the behavior you complain about. If you keep tolerating it, they’ll keep doing it.
3️⃣ Show them how change benefits them, not just you. People don’t change because you want them to. They change when they see why it matters for them.
4️⃣ Be okay with whatever happens next. Some people will meet you halfway. Some won’t. Either way, you’ll know you did your part.
You can’t force anyone to change. You can’t control their ACTIONS or rewrite their BELIEFS.
But you can shift the way you show up. You can stop engaging in cycles that drain you. You can influence how people treat you—by changing how you interact with them.
And if they never change? That’s okay too.
Because when you grow into a better version of yourself… You WIN. No matter what.
If you’re ready to enter your winning season… you know where to find me! 💫
Inside the Make Yourself a Priority Program, you’ll learn how to build real, meaningful connections—so the people around you are not just there but inspired to grow with you. When you prioritize yourself, you naturally attract those who want to level up, too.
✨ Curious? Let’s have a juicy chat! Book a FREE Get-To-Know Call, and let’s talk about how you can start showing up for you.