Girl... I HEAR you!
Let me set the scene real quick.
You’re at a coffee shop, minding your business, sipping on your oat milk latte, when someone walks in. They’re loud—laughing with their whole chest, confidently taking up space, dressed in an outfit that demands attention. And instantly, you feel something shift inside you.
Ugh. Why are they so extra? you think, rolling your eyes.
And just like that, judgment SNEAKS in.
But here’s the hard truth: THAT judgment? It’s not just about them. It’s about YOU too.
I know. Annoying, right? No one likes hearing this. I hate it too; the fact that when you judge someone, ie - dislike something, it means there’s something you need to figure out about yourself. They're not the problem, you’re choosing a perspective that's making them seem like the problem.
Why Do We Judge?
Most of us think judgment is about other people—that if they would just change, we’d feel better. We spend energy trying to make them understand us, prove that we’re right, or justify why they should be different.
But what if the real question isn’t “Why are they like that?” but rather “Why does this bother me?”
Because judgment usually comes from two places:
1️⃣ There’s something about them that we are DENYING in ourselves.
2️⃣ We need to validate our beliefs to feel SECURE.
We live in the same world, but we don’t experience it the same way. Our beliefs, cultures, and personal histories shape what we think is NORMAL or ACCEPTABLE. So when we see something that challenges our worldview, our brain goes into DEFENSE mode.
For example, in many Western cultures, living together before marriage is completely normal—even encouraged. In many Eastern cultures, it’s frowned upon. Neither is inherently right or wrong, but because we’ve been raised one way, we often reject the other to validate what we’ve always known.
The Hidden Lesson in Judgment
I’ll be REAL with you—I used to judge people for being too much. Too BOLD. Too LOUD. Too UNAPOLOGETIC. In my culture, that level of expression was seen as inappropriate.
But then it hit me—I didn’t actually hate that about them. I ADMIRED it.
I envied their ability to be fully themselves without fear of judgment. Because deep down? I wasn’t even allowing myself to do the same. I was shrinking, playing small, and living within the limits of what I thought was “ACCEPTABLE.”
And the moment I realized that, the judgment faded. It was never about them. IT WAS ABOUT ME
How Judgment Reflects What We Haven’t Processed
Judgment isn’t just about disliking something—it’s a mirror reflecting something we haven’t fully processed within ourselves.
🔹 Someone living differently from you feels like a threat because it challenges what you’ve always believed to be true.
🔹 You criticize someone for seeking attention—but deep down, are you uncomfortable with your own desire to be seen?
🔹 You judge someone for being selfish—but are you struggling with setting your own boundaries?
🔹 You find someone’s success triggering—but are you feeling like you haven’t reached where you want to be?
If someone’s choices genuinely don’t align with you, THAT'S FINE. You don’t have to agree with everyone. But why do we feel the need to put them down for it? Why can’t we just LET THEM BE?
Taking Responsibility for Our Judgment
So next time you catch yourself judging someone, pause. Ask yourself:
1️⃣ Why does this bother me?
2️⃣ What meaning have I given to their actions?
3️⃣ Is there something I am denying in myself?
4️⃣ Do I need to validate my own beliefs by rejecting theirs?
5️⃣ Can I accept that people live differently and still choose what’s right for me?
Understanding judgment doesn’t mean you have to change who you are or agree with everyone. It just means you take RESPONSIBILITY for your reactions instead of making it about them.
Because true self-awareness isn’t about changing others—it’s about understanding yourself.
And trust me, that kind of self-awareness? It’s FREEDOM.
If this resonates with you, let’s dive deeper and have a chat!
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